After the betrayal of her husband - the advice of a psychologist. Is it possible to change - the positive and negative sides of cheating on a wife or girlfriend If you change once, will it change

Cheating on a husband or lover is one of the most difficult trials in a woman's life. Most men who have cheated once swear that this will never happen to them again. How much can you trust them? Will you be able to keep him from cheating in the future, or has he completely lost his way?

If your mom or your girlfriends find out about your boyfriend’s infidelity, then most likely their verdict will be the same: you can’t trust him anymore, so it’s better for you to leave him. A suitable proverb also says: whoever betrays once, betrays twice. But is it really so? Is cheating a sentence on your relationship, or will a man be able to keep his word never to deceive you again?

There are some signs by which you can understand that the likelihood that your partner may cheat on you again is very high:

Did he only change physically or was he truly in love? Emotional attachment is much more dangerous than just a sexual relationship. If he was very passionate and broke off his relationship under your pressure, then almost certainly after a while he will get back together with former mistress. And the forced separation will only fuel their passion.

Did he admit to cheating on you? People who feel remorse because of their deceit suffer greatly and often confess their betrayal themselves. And if your partner really suffers, and does not pretend, then most likely he will really change his behavior and never go for it again.

Is he ready to work on himself? Are you ready to look for a solution to the problem and make compromises? If he only promises to continue to be faithful, but does nothing to change the situation, then in the future he may again cheat on you.

If he cheated on you not once, but several times, he will cheat again and again. In this case, you will have to decide if you can live with this man and tolerate his betrayals.

How to regain trust

So is it possible to regain mutual trust after betrayal? Of course, most experts say. Many couples not only overcome this challenge, but also become stronger than before. I myself have seen many couples become more united after infidelity, because their communication became more sincere than before, and moved to some new level. But for this you really need to forgive betrayal with all your heart, and this is very difficult.

Returning lost trust is a long, slow process, but in the end, success is quite possible. It's like rolling a heavy stone up a mountain. One wrong move and the stone will roll back, and you will have to start all over again.

Where to begin:

Come to terms with the fact of treason. Many people prefer not to notice the warning signs, do not listen to the voice of their intuition, "hide their heads in the sand." It seems to them that, having fenced themselves off from the problem, they thus save their family. In fact, the unresolved problem is only getting worse, and there may come a time when it will no longer be possible to save the relationship.

Stop blaming. As difficult as it may be for you, do not brand your loved one as a traitor. Instead, both partners need to sort out the reasons for the infidelity. They need to understand why this happened and how to prevent cheating in the future.

Understand the reasons for cheating. Discuss the problem without recriminations. Often the family is so absorbed in everyday life that the alarm signals go unnoticed. Try to understand what each of the partners needs and wants from life, what he feels deprived of. By sharing their experiences with each other, family members become more united.

Be attentive to each other. Try to change what your partner is unhappy with. Find ways to show your cheated partner that they are loved and appreciated. It doesn't have to be done with words alone. The partner will be able to appreciate small gifts, calls from work, a little more attention after a working day and on weekends.

Bring romance back into your relationship. Remember what attracted you to each other when you first met. Spend more time together, such as playing sports or going to the cinema. Share your dreams and hopes for your future life together.

But this does not mean that you need to unconditionally trust your partner who has gone astray. The cheater should make every effort to make his deceived partner feel safe - for the sake of a good relationship, come to terms with the fact that from time to time he will be tested, and in general, make his life an open book for a partner. He should also be ready to discuss the current situation as many times as the deceived partner needs, no matter how guilty he feels about it, and no matter how much he wants to forget about the fact of betrayal. A person who feels that he has been betrayed gets hung up on thoughts of betrayal and can rarely think of anything else, this situation is too traumatic for him. Therefore, it is important to be patient with him and not think that he returns to the topic of betrayal again and again in order to blame or punish the offender. It is also necessary to break off all relations with the former mistress - there should be no phone calls, no meetings, no letters.

Try to bring something new into your relationship and fill the emotional void. In this case, you may need the help of a psychologist. Be that as it may, to understand the problem means to partially solve it. Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step to being honest in your relationship. And honesty is necessary condition for a long term relationship.

adultery, but how to understand whether it will happen again? Your husband cheated on you, but he asks your forgiveness and swears that he will never do it again. How can you tell if it's true or not? How to know if your husband's cheating is a serial scam - or not. You want to restore trust and save your marriage, but constant suspicion eats you. Spend all your energy watching his actions, looking for any hint that he is still unfaithful or that he will cheat again. How can you repair your relationship when you are so afraid that your spouse is cheating on you again?

Suspicion after his infidelity is normal. But some suspicions are justified, while others are not at all.

These clear signs will help you understand if your husband can change and become worthy of your trust again, or if he is a consistent fraud in the course of your relationship.

Option #1 - no apology. If he does not even apologize, then this is a very bad sign. If he doesn't show any remorse and tries to blame everything on you (blaming you for not meeting his needs or caring enough), he's probably planning a divorce, or planning his next romance.

The quality of an apology is another sure sign. If he just said "sorry" a couple of times, or to avoid the topic by saying "I already said I'm sorry, so let's not start the conversation again", then it becomes clear that he is not really sorry about his actions or does not accept full responsibility for his actions.

On the other hand, if he admits the humiliation and pain that he caused you, admitting that he did not do the right thing and saying that he fully supports the idea of ​​​​saving the marriage - he is unlikely to become a serial cheater, it is not the norm for him.

Option #2 - Doesn't listen to you.
Is he really ready to listen to how you feel after his betrayal? Even if you repeat the same thing that you said yesterday? Does he want to see your pain and emotions?

If not, if he runs away from every conversation about what happened, this is a bad sign. This means that he does not want to feel guilty, which means he can do it again.

If he's secretive, and constantly lying, withholding information, or otherwise less open, then maybe something's going on behind the scenes so far?

Option number 3 - refused to end the relationship with the other. This one is pretty obvious: if he cheats for a long time with another woman and refuses to cut contact with her (usually using all sorts of excuses like "I work with her every day", "I will lose my job", "she threatens to hurt herself" and etc.), this is a very bad sign that he plans to continue cheating while he decides whether to stay married to you or not. This situation calls for an ultimatum if you want your husband to make a choice.

Option #4 - High Sexual Desire
According to the study, the second most common reason for men to cheat (the first being a lack of emotional focus) is the amount of sex in a marriage (not the quality). Some people have a very high sex drive, while others are less interested in lots of sex.

If your husband wants all the time and is constantly frustrated with the amount of sex, then he is more likely to cheat again.

If you still love your husband, but sex doesn't interest you much anymore, this article will show you what to do.

Option number 5 - he has the right
Some people just think they have the right to cheat. Their general opinion about the role of men and women, their role in society and their cultural upbringing leads them to believe that they have the right to deceive. This type is most likely to cheat and doesn't feel any remorse or guilt about their actions (remember option #1?)

Option number 6 - he has anxiety about work.
This sign is a little confusing, but no less true. If your husband suffers from work anxiety or sexual anxiety and has low self-esteem, then he is more likely to become a serial cheater. The type of infidelity in this case is probably no more than one meeting or paid sex, because these women do not excite him, and therefore he does not have to prove anything to them.

In a strange way, but in fact this is a sign that he still cares about you, he is exhausted from feeling insufficient in bed and disappointing the woman he loves.

Option number 7 - this incident attracts you too
Pay special attention, this is the most important message in this article.

If the two of you (which means you too) are not taking the necessary steps to restore trust, restore honesty, and address the issues that led to this relationship crisis, then I guarantee he will cheat AGAIN.

If you don't fix a flat tire, the car will eventually stop.

If your relationship doesn't develop for the better, it's only a matter of time before he changes again.

Don't try to do it yourself. I have seen too many couples who get caught up in an endless cycle of anger and resentment, caught in the shackles of suspicion and pain until they have no choice but to end the relationship.

It is better to seek professional help outside of marriage and consult if, nevertheless, there was a place to be, but you want to save the marriage.

Whatever you do, just do it now before it's too late.

Receive new blog articles directly to your inbox

Every woman hopes that her partner will be faithful to her and never look sideways.

But, unfortunately, he reports that many men are prone to intrigues on the side.

If, nevertheless, the husband has changed, then what to do? Psychologist's advice help you get through this difficult situation.

Causes and psychology of infidelity

How to understand why my husband is cheating on me? Let's name the most common reasons for cheating by husbands:

What is a married man looking for on the side? The real reasons for male infidelity:

What does a man feel after cheating?

Most often, immediately after the betrayal, a man experiencing euphoria and joy, even some inspiration. But when this wave descends, he begins to think whether he did the right thing.

And here the feeling of guilt can appear, although not for everyone. A man can even imagine the reaction of his wife if she suddenly finds out about his betrayal.

But if a man decides to cheat again, and then again and again, then soon he ceases to experience both joy and guilt. He gets used to this situation, it becomes completely normal for him.

What if he himself confessed?

What to do if the husband nevertheless told you about his adventures?

1. First of all, calm down. No need to immediately throw a tantrum and drive him away. Think, because if he is unfaithful to you, then he repented.
2. Stay on your own. Think about whether you can live in peace further, knowing that this man was with another? No hidden resentment. Know that it's not easy.
3. Now talk to your husband again. Find out from him and ask how he sees the future.

How to make your husband fall in love with you again? help you!

Walks and does not recognize: what to do?

What if the husband is cheating and lying? If you somehow found out about the betrayal, but you just can’t get recognition from your husband, then pay attention to the following points:

What to do if a man cheats? Psychologist's advice:

How to behave and what to tell him?

Such a conversation does not go unnoticed for both sides. Both you and the man will difficult and painful to discuss this topic. But it cannot be avoided either.

No need to make a scandal, pour accusations and insults. First of all, let him know that you have doubts about his loyalty or evidence of infidelity. And give him the floor.

After he confirms what he did, in a calm tone, ask why he did it, what he lacked in your relationship, and how he sees the future. Listen carefully to him answer, and then tell how you feel and what you think about your relationship now.

I hate my husband for betrayal

and recover after her husband's infidelity?

Keep yourself in control and adequately treat your man after you find out about the betrayal - extremely hard.

Therefore, the first thing to do in order not to break firewood is to retire and think about everything. Are you ready for it? Can you temper your hatred? Or will every time you look at your husband imagine him on the other?

Take a break for a few days. Get together and decide for yourself everything. And if you decide to put an end to the relationship, then you should not be afraid and worry. You have every right to do so.

If you decide to have a family, then you will have to make a lot of efforts to return the relationship and trust to the previous level. To do this, you will need to talk a lot and discuss the problem, as well as treat your husband with understanding.

It will be necessary to drive away every negative thought regarding his betrayal or hatred towards him.

And only after long and hard work over yourself, you will be able to treat your spouse well again.

What should I do if my husband has a mistress? Primary actions:

Is there family life after what happened?

Real stories:

If your husband or loved one cheated on you, what should you do? Personal experience:

How to restore relationships?

How to get your husband back after cheating? If you still decide to return your husband to the family, then use the following tips:

How to learn to trust? The most difficult thing after treason is to restore relationships. It takes a lot of effort. But you must understand that there will still be no former trust between you. But you can try to work on this:

1. Understand that treason will not be forgotten at the snap of a finger. This can take a lot of time and effort. Get ready to work on yourself.
2. Talk to him. For a long time and a lot. Discuss everything, express your feelings. This will help you get closer.
3. Contact a psychologist. He will teach you how to forgive your husband, help you sort out your feelings and start trusting your husband again.
4. Tell your spouse that you don't trust him the way you used to. But you can try to learn this, only you will need his help and support.
5. Focus on the positive. It will be difficult, but you need to constantly celebrate his actions that show him good relationship to you.

I can’t trust my husband again after infidelity: what should I do? Not all women can continue to live with their husband after they find out about the betrayal. What should I do if I can't trust my husband?

1. Together, learn to build your relationship. Your husband needs to be patient and teach you to trust him again.
2. Contact a psychologist. If you can’t cope on your own, then a competent specialist will work on your grievances and help you move on.
3. disperse. Yes, it's hard. But if you can't trust your husband, then why family life?

What should I do if my husband is constantly cheating? How to improve family life?

Understand that constant betrayal won't stop. One thing is a one-time affair, and another is a regular mistress. So you can either accept this state of affairs, or disperse - the choice is yours.

What to do so that the husband never cheated?

Stick to the following tips:

• look after yourself. Men love to make their wife pleasant to look at;
• take an interest in his affairs. Sincerely ask how his day went, what was interesting, how his parents are doing. If he is not in the mood, ask what happened and, if necessary, give advice. Support him in everything;
• watch your emotional state . If you are constantly grumbling and offended, then who will like it? Also, you do not need to overly control it, follow every step;
• don't be dependent on it. Men do not like it when a woman completely submits to their will. It must have a stem. So let you have your own interests, time to meet friends and various hobbies. Do not give all your free time to your husband;
• diversify your intimate life. Try new poses, costumes and experiments.

Forgive betrayal or not- it's up to you. But be sure to make your choice consciously and deliberately.

Husband has changed! What to do if you find out about cheating? Sexologist's advice:

Usually the eternal dilemma, whether it is possible to change, is the prerogative of men. But if you asked yourself such a question, then something is clearly wrong with your relationship. What kind of crisis are you going through with your partner, we will deal with TOPBEAUTY.

When such thoughts come into your head, you need to understand why they appeared. After all, when a partner excites you, gives you everything you want, and you love him, there can be no talk of anything like that. This means that there is a crack in your relationship. It's up to you to try to patch it up or go all out.

Women's infidelity

It all depends on what kind of relationship you have with your man. To change in any case is dishonorable, but everyone has the right to happiness. If you don't get it with one, . But be prepared that the secret can become clear, because it is very difficult to sit on two chairs. Men, for the most part, do not forgive betrayals, so you risk losing your faithful companion forever and being left with a fleeting romance behind you, but alone.

• Psychologist's advice: it all depends on the attitude to the thought of whether it is possible to change. If the risk of turning your life into an adventure and a series of adventures is absolutely not scary, then you should not suffer remorse and deny yourself something. But if such a prospect scares and doubts appear, then you should not plunge into the pool with your head. One should develop self-control and not allow sensual impulses to take over. More awareness and thoughts about the consequences of each of your rash steps.

Male betrayal

• Psychologist's advice: when you are not yet dating a man, but a guy, somewhere under the age of 25, there may be an unfinished process of becoming a person. In youth, the stronger sex is extremely active in sexual life quantity dominates quality. The question of whether it is possible to change is not even worth it, because the partner may not see anything wrong with this.

Until the age of 45, a man managed to accumulate not only experience, financial well-being and life principles, but also a lot of unfulfilled sexual desires. For some reason, it is not possible to realize them with his wife, so the man gets himself a mistress.

From 45 years old is the most dangerous time. If a woman is not vigilant and does not show enough warmth and affection towards a man, everything can end in betrayal. Moreover, at this age, it is young mistresses that appear in husbands, which is explained very simply: the desire to throw off a couple of years for yourself at the expense of a young companion, fear of impotence and some interest from the opposite sex. So you need to be very gentle and understanding in order to prevent the sad outcome of your long-term love story.

Can you cheat on your wife or girlfriend? This question worries the majority of the stronger sex. Of course, many men are brought up as devoted and faithful people who know what honor, duty and responsibility are. But in modern world, unfortunately, the institution of the family is not going through better times: family values ​​are losing their significance, and cheating is becoming an increasingly frequent solution to conflicts in relationships.

The problems are completely different. For example, a wife or girlfriend can be a faithful companion of life, have a pleasant character, a lot of talents, but absolutely not suitable in terms of sex. Or she can be good in bed, she can be a responsible mother, but not at all a strong rear of her husband, unable to give advice, support and comfort. In any case, men are not inclined to resolve intra-family conflicts through constructive dialogue. Why talk when you can run? They are less inclined to work on relationships than women, and in general they are cowardly creatures. It is difficult for them to face the problem and fight it. And then they think about cheating: is it worth cheating on your wife (girlfriend)? Let's see how justified this step is.

Arguments for and against male infidelity

Should I cheat on my wife or girlfriend? You will have to decide this on your own. Everyone has the right to do as he sees fit. We can only objectively talk about all the pros and cons of male infidelity.

So, there are extremely few pluses, namely, only one. Male infidelity has only an emotional advantage. Change - from the verb "change". And the change of something ordinary often comes in handy, allows you to get new emotions and to some extent cause a feeling of satisfaction. So, a mistress - this is the very new sensations. She is able to satisfy in bed or emotionally - depends on the male request. And this is an absolute plus, especially in the first case, when it comes only to sex. After all, sex and love are things, as you know, coupled, but not always. So, having received physical (and at the same time emotional) satisfaction, you can continue to love your wife or girlfriend, be happy in relationships and be in harmony with your own Self.

Cons of male infidelity as many as six. This is not surprising, because it is not just that treason is condemned by society, the history of ancient states remembers cruel punishments for this offense, and in our time in some territories it is still prosecuted by law. Change is more bad than good. Let's look at the numerous cons to see for yourself.

Firstly, there is a high probability of earning a venereal disease. Male betrayal which is different from women. The stronger sex will prefer an unfamiliar “one-night stand” lover to a permanent secret partner. And casual relationships are fraught with consequences. Women are sensual, frivolous. Some emotional lady can lose her head when meeting a man and give herself to him without hesitation. And with whom she slept before - only she knows. By the way, in many cases, people who are carriers of infections do not even know about it. So caution is essential.

Secondly, there is always the possibility of an accidental pregnancy of a mistress. Of course, no one canceled contraception. But, as you know, any system can fail, and condoms can break. In general, there is always even a small fraction of the likelihood of a lover's pregnancy. And this is a sad outcome, especially if she decides to leave the child. The wife or official girl will probably find out about the betrayal. A child from another woman is also a person, and he will need some resources: material, perhaps temporary and emotional. And living with two families is very tiring.

Thirdly, no one has canceled the constantly tormenting feeling of guilt. It is inevitable. Any cheater knows that he hurts his soul mate. It gnaws at him, makes him feel bad. From here, stress, apathy, even depression can arise. And women, as you know, are sensitive and attentive creatures. It is unlikely that the partner will not notice the changes.

Fourthly, the risk of becoming a victim of fraud is not excluded. If you are over forty years old, you are not distinguished by an athletic physique, and a girl who looks like a supermodel agreed to spend the evening with you without hesitation - it is worth suspecting something was wrong. She can be a scammer, now this criminal industry is especially flourishing - and it is not surprising: what could be easier than robbing a man who has lost his attention, is pleased with himself.

The fifth point is the benefits of abstinence. The fact is that many men are looking for a mistress because they “do not succeed” with their wife, although there are no health problems. But few people know that simply abstinence can be effective in solving this problem. Giving yourself time to rest is more beneficial than throwing yourself into bed with some other woman with the thought “what if it works out.” Everything will only get worse. Here the problem is psychological, and it needs to be solved at the level of thoughts. Abstinence - good way, so to speak, "hungry."

And the last point, the sixth, is the children. First, betrayal is just a bad example for your growing children. We are all brought up not by our parents, but by their example. Therefore, before changing, it is worth considering what kind of future you want for your children, what kind of worldview they will form. And secondly, if infidelity comes out, and the wife wants to break off the relationship, in court the advantages will be on her side. If she becomes embittered and forbids you from seeing your children, you are unlikely to be able to somehow influence this. Is it worth it to risk it just for the sake of an emotional recharge?

We do not urge men to change or not to change. We are simply stating the facts and the decision is yours. Remember that betrayal is a turning point in life. It has many consequences for which everyone is obliged to independently bear responsibility. Ready? It's up to you, we don't judge. But if not, we advise you to think over all the pros and cons one more time.